Simple reasons new relationships fail to launch

There are so many reasons why relationships fail to take off. If you’ve recently experienced a failure to launch situation, perhaps the best thing is to adopt an attitude about it and know that not everything is meant to be. Still, a sputtered pairing can leave you wondering WHY? Read on for the six most common reasons new relationships fail. 1. Unrealistic expectations. “Single people can sometimes have a tendency to build up the perfect person in their head. Modern media will tell you ‘what kind of guy/girl you deserve.’ Worse is watching your Facebook feed—all those happy couples posting pictures together portraying the fairy tale romance. These examples can be damaging when it comes to finding a partner who isn’t perfect, but perfect for you. An extension of this is the belief that relationships should always be easy. Many people who believe that relationships shouldn’t be work, they think it should be effortless if it was meant to be. Well, good relationships don’t just happen – they take effort, daily.” 2. Past hurts. The most universal deal breaker is the emotional baggage dragged from prior romantic relationships which sabotages all future relationships. Too often, people are ending relationships in messy fashion and are not taking the time to work out those feelings and really ‘get over’ the Ex. They jump into something new without quite having to let go fully (fully being the key word) of the ex, who is more than happy to meddle in their new-found joy. 3. Reluctance to get real. A lot of people panic at the first sign of trouble. Instead of seeing it through so they can gain experience and get the insight necessary to work through these bumps, they implode. Technology is a fabulous tool, but it’s not a venue in which to conduct an entire relationship. I hear from lots of men and women seeking advice for relationships that are conducted long-distance and online only. Usually, these couples have never met in real life and the relationships have gone on like this for months, and sometimes years. The rule of thumb I encourage is: if you meet online, and haven’t had an in-person date in three months, move on. Similarly, new relationships can fail if one or both people involved is putting on a show. People often put on a mask when dating. They become the person they think the other person wants rather than being themselves. This isn’t feasible to maintain long term, and when they start to be themselves they’ve attracted someone who wants the person they seemed to be at the beginning rather than who they actually are so, it doesn’t last. 4. Your relationship to yourself. People usually think it’s all the things on the outside that make a relationship work or not work, but really it’s an inside job. Having a loving and healthy relationship with yourself is the number one way to ensure that you can have a relationship with someone else. Most people don’t know themselves, what their needs are in a relationship and what type of person can fulfil those needs. People get distracted by what I like to call ‘shiny objects’ such as s*xual attraction and other surface attractions when they should really be looking to see whether or not their core values complement those of their potential partner. 5. Desire to succeed. Younger generations are taught early on that they should be ‘winners. They believe failure is not an option, even in relationships. Sometimes, the desire to ‘win’ the hand of a guy or girl supersedes the entire idea of building the foundation of a relationship. Failure to launch is a quick way to abort mission before anything bad happens. A lot of people panic at the first sign of trouble. Instead of seeing it through so they can gain experience and get the insight necessary to work through these bumps, they implode. They either issue a pre-emptive strike of sorts suggesting that a break might be necessary or they internalize everything and then let loose at the wrong time. 6. Miscommunication. Miscommunication is a primary challenge. It is best to get to know one another and respect differences and embrace the diversity of differences and highlight similarities. Facebook, tweets and text are sometimes taken out of context. Don’t jump to conclusions if you read a confusing status message online or get an odd text. Talk things through slowly and see if you can find common ground before walking away.

Golden rules for single ladies

1. Don’t take off your panties, because he called you beautiful, take them off because he married you. 2. Don’t open your legs because he said you will make a good mother. Open them because he’s ready to be a father after your wedding. 3. Don’t take him home because he gave you a ride or buy you ice cream and fried rice, take him home because he treated you like a queen and is committed to be the love of your life. 4. Don’t push him away because he has no money today. Hold him close if he is a man of vision, he’s got brighter days ahead, with a prospective blossoming future. 5. Don’t go punishing him because another man hurt you! All men are not the same! A man who fears God doesn’t hurt! If he loves you, give him a chance and he may be the best thing that ever happened to you. 6. Don’t stay up all night wondering where to find a good man. Work on your character! Be an asset! Serve God.

Happy together - tips to staying faithful to your spouse

At one point in time or another most people, yourself included, will start to drift into the infidelity territory. You may be feeling outraged after reading that sentence but it’s the truth. I know that you are already thinking, “I have never been physically intimate with someone other than my spouse.” That’s when I say to you, that’s fantastic. But can you tell me that you have never committed emotional infidelity? Oh, that’s right, there are two types of fidelity when it comes to a relationship or a marriage, emotional and physical. Emotional infidelity What is it? Simple, it’s when your thoughts and emotions are focused on someone that is not your spouse. Don’t be ridiculous and say, “Well I think about my sister all the time” and think that you are committing emotional infidelity on your spouse. At times, you could find yourself being more emotionally attracted to your boss because he might listen and sympathize better than your partner. This is an example of emotional infidelity. One thing about emotional infidelity is that people don’t realize is that it is a very gradual process that people go through. You may be hanging out with a person of the opposite s*x and you think that you are just becoming friends. That’s all fine until you start to rely on that man or woman more than your spouse for emotional support. Another red flag that you are not being emotionally faithful to your spouse is when you start to complain or talk negatively about your spouse to that person. How to be emotionally faithful I understand just as much as the next person that spouses can be extremely frustrating! But when you feel that way towards your partner, you tell that to his face and not your best friend. Talking about your frustrations with your spouse can be downright upsetting and hard to do. But that’s what comes with the territory of being in a relationship, you get to talk about things with each other that are going to be hard, and most likely hurt each other’s feelings. When you find your thoughts and emotions drifting away from your spouse, start remembering the good things. You need to remember that your spouse is there for you emotionally and will support you to the best of his or her abilities. They might not get it right every time, but take the time to recognize that they are trying. Redirect your mind toward your spouse in a positive, loving way so you don’t allow yourself to drift into something that will end up with you wanting to be with someone else. If this doesn’t work for you, then it’s time for you and your spouse to seek some professional help. I say that to you because once you become emotionally detached from your spouse, you might find yourself committing adultery. Physical infidelity Physical infidelity (adultery) is one of the most blatant forms of infidelity. If you enter ‘adultery’ on dictionary.com, the definition says “voluntary s*xual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.” But even with this clear of a definition, people think that undressing an attractive individual with their eyes, indulging in s*xual fantasies with someone famous mentally, or even having online affairs is physical infidelity. Adultery has become so rampant, that in 2010 an ethnicity study was conducted on both males and females to show the world that there is a problem. How can you prevent physical infidelity? Let’s talk about how you can prevent yourself from physical infidelity. Can you recognize the difference between lust and love? Do you know that your body and your mind will be battling each other all the time over physical infidelity? What you need to realize is that your body will have some type of reaction when you see, smell or hear something that is attractive to you. It’s your body, you can’t help that. But what you can control is your mind. Start to train yourself to recognize when you are lusting, or having inappropriate thoughts about someone who is not your spouse. When you feel yourself starting to think about that very attractive sales clerk helping you find something in the store, stop yourself immediately. Say to yourself, “OK, what I’m feeling right now is lust. This is inappropriate.” Then fill your mind with a minimum of five different qualities about your spouse that you love about him or her. Those five things can be anything, physical, emotional or even something that he or she did that morning that was hilarious. If all else fails, and you find yourself having a hard time with redirecting your thoughts/emotions away from people that aren’t your spouse, go seek professional help immediately.

Questions women should avoid asking men in relationships

Hey Ladies, I know you all like dissecting what’s going on with your men and honestly that is cool but what isn’t cool is when you start asking all or any of the these questions below. By the way, have you ever realized how angry a man can get when you ask too many questions at a time? When it comes to relationships, most women want to know everything that a man is thinking. But here is the truth and from a man’s perspective, there are some questions I think women should really avoid asking their men while in a relationship because the answers you get are basically those aimed at pleasing you but not the whole TRUTH. 1: Do I look fat? Most men have learned that the answer to this question is always NO. Always. No exceptions. Women and weight have too close of a bond and women often define themselves and their worth by the scale. Therefore, men are prepared and ready to say, “No, you look beautiful!” no matter what. If a woman really cares about looking fat, she should look in the mirror and decide for herself. If she feels great, then no need to ask for affirmation. But the attention-seeking woman might be desperate for compliments and turn to her man for her fix. It’s most important to be healthy, no matter what the scale says… Ladies! 2: What happened in your past relationships? Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man’s past. They need to know if they measure up to ex-girlfriends or wives, if he’s as happy with them as he was before and if he’s really over a past heartbreak. You might be especially concerned about what went wrong with your guy’s previous relationships. Remember, though, he might have been a very different man then, and he probably learned from his mistakes. Try not to hold his past wrongs against him because chances are he doesn’t want to be reminded of them. He doesn’t want you to see him in a bad light. Let him be the person he is now. Let him feel good about how he is with you, and not dragged through memories of what he did (or didn’t do) with other partners. Of course it’s important to communicate, but too much probing shows a lack of trust and confidence in your relationship. 3: Are you attracted to other women? This comes down to self-esteem (and therefore attention) and confidence in your relationship. A man who doesn’t look at anyone or feel anything for other women is either very old, very tired, or just plain lying. Looking at and responding to others doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t find you desirable or is comparing you. Of course too much gawking or staring is inappropriate, are you going to tell me you’ve never glanced at an attractive guy? We are all humans. If he takes it to the next level and starts to flirt, however, he’s definitely not fully committed to you and it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. 4: What are you thinking? This question usually comes up in a moment of silence, and often times while in bed. Some women want to make sure that a man is thinking only of them in bed, but this is a very complicated question for a guy. Make sure you can tolerate hearing about what’s going on in your man’s mind, and remember not to assume he doesn’t care about you. You might be amazed when he answers “Oh, just the football game yesterday.” A man’s minds can wonder to multiple subjects, while women tend to concentrate on the activity at hand and analyze every detail. Relax and take your man’s answer for what it is.

Why women should be financially independent

Being financially independent is excellent for everyone. Each of us, can make a small or big effort to earn money and stand on our own feet. The benefits go beyond the economic reasons. It is good for women and the whole society. Some of these benefits include: 1. Financially independent women take their own decisions. When women are dependent upon others for money, they might need to take permission from them. Some women might be happy to do that while others need to be more independent and take their own decisions. 2. Financially independent women are good financial backups for family. In times of financial crisis, when many people lose jobs, it is good when both partners are earning income. When one loses job, other still has income to support the family and fill the gap. In terms of health, if one partner is sick, he or she can take time off and take good rest and recover properly. Finally, in case of unexpected death of family member, the other person can still handle the family expenses. 3. Financially independent women contribute financially to the family. When the inflation is up, prices are skyrocketing, if both partners are working, it is easier to own a home and meet family expenses. 4. Financially independent women contribute financially to the society and economy. When women earn money, they can be financially givers to society. They can give to charities and help in social causes. They also boost country’s economy by earning actively. 5. Financially independent women motivate children to stand on their own feet. When children see that mother is earning money, they are motivated to stand on their own feet. They see good work ethic in their own home and want to follow it. 6. Financially independent women can follow their dreams. We all dream but sometimes when we don’t have money, we need to adjust to what we have and be content. Women who earn money tend to follow their dreams which could be a social cause or a big car. 7. Personal independence boosts your confidence. Independent people naturally tend to be a little more confident on handling issues affecting their lives. This is mainly because they are more prepared to take actions and do things without having to wait for support or permission from someone else. Being independent therefore means that you will be more likely to try out new things that you want, rather than what or how you are expected to. This also means that you will have more experience than a less independent individual. This will in time build up more confidence in you with the knowledge that you can do things on your own. For entrepreneurs, this confidence opens your mind to taking bigger risks and unbeaten paths that eventually returns bigger rewards. 8. Personal improvement and creativity. Having a free and independent mind gives you freedom to explore your skills and talents and will ultimately bring out the best in you. 9. Self-value and self-esteem Independence can help increase your self- value and self-esteem, more so if becoming independent is one of your goals. The achievement of financial, emotional, social, career and personal independence gives you a sense of accomplishment that eventually changes how you rate yourself and how others view you. The increased self-worth that comes with this independence is a great boost to your self-esteem and personal success.

Good spouse, Bad spouse

Every marriage is different, but the requirements for being a good spouse are universal. It’s easy to say we’re doing our best in marriage but the evidence is how our spouse feels. There is always room for improvement. We may never be the perfect spouse, and that really isn’t even the goal. Knowing we put forth our greatest effort in the majority of situations, especially the challenging ones, is the real goal. Unfortunately, there will be times we won’t get it right, but the more we try, the better we feel and the stronger the marriage becomes. A great marriage isn’t something couples stumble upon. It happens by choice. Setting goals in a relationship helps us to stay focused and be more aware of our actions and words. Without a specific idea of how we plan to be a good spouse, the more we’ll struggle. It’s time we get really clear on what a good spouse and a bad spouse looks like and the difference it makes in our individual relationships. The Good Spouse: Communicates. Sharing our thoughts, our goals and even our disappointments are important for marriage success. Our spouses need to know where we are emotionally. How can they give us what we need if we haven’t provided them with the knowledge to do so. Sacrifices. Making our spouse the priority is hard to do consistently, but it is the top ingredient for a successful marriage. Practices integrity. When what we say matches what we do, you’ll find integrity at its best. In addition to saying “I love you”, “I’ll never hurt you” or “I have your back” showing these very statements with how we treat our spouse is even more powerful. Loves. Love is an action word. It encompasses all of the above. I recognize being a good spouse isn’t always easy. Our selfish desires get in the way. We want what we want without regard to our partners. This won’t work, despite how natural it feels. Even though it isn’t easy, it is surely possible. The relationship goal I will challenge you with is being the good spouse as often as possible. If you’re wondering where the list is for the bad spouse, there isn’t one. Simply put, the spouse needing the most improvement is the one who isn’t willing to do any of the above. Change is always easier said than done. The task is that we simply be willing. One who isn’t, sends the message their spouse isn’t worthy of their best. Again, this list may change depending on the partners involved. Having an understanding regarding the expectations in our marriage helps to reveal what a good spouse looks like to our mates.